This project reinforced what I already knew: I should never sew for other people - even people I love dearly. I'm just too darn selfish. A few years ago, my nephew, who is a barber and a big fan of the Oakland Raiders and the Los Angeles Lakers asked me to make a barber smock that reflected his fanaticism. I made a smock using Oakland Raiders fabric and he loved it. He wanted an LA Lakers smock, so I gave him vendor web sites, told him to order the fabric and have it shipped to me. He said he would, but of course, he never did. So his mom, my SIL stepped in (two and a half years later) and ordered LA Lakers fabric and planned to surprise him with the brand new barber smock.One evening, when I was working on the smock, SIL happened to call. I told her I was working on the smock that very moment and I had to order additional fabric because I underestimated the amount needed. I also ordered a 26 inch purple separating zipper because Jo-Ann only had neutral colors and their longest zipper was 22 inches. At no time did I ask her to pay for the cost overruns. As a matter of fact, she wasn't even paying me to make the smock in the first place. Yet, she questioned whether it was really necessary for me to spend money on an extra yard of fabric and a separating zipper. In addition to telling me how to spend my own money, SIL gave me a deadline. She wanted the smock before "March Madness". What the professional Los Angeles Lakers had to do with the March Madness college tournament was beyond me, but I kept my mouth shut.
These trivial little demands might not have bothered most people, but they bothered me. Sewing is the only activity in my life in which I have complete autonomy. I have treasured that autonomy and I won't give it up willingly. I love the attitude expressed by Elaine, "The Selfish Seamstress". Her blog's tag line is "Because I only want to sew stuff if it's for me." I really wish I'd thought of that first because it describes me so perfectly. The Selfish Seamstress actually has sewn for other people, but has dubbed those projects "S.W.A.G." (Sewing with a Grudge) - another sentiment I totally embrace. Yes, I'm acting like a selfish control freak, but what better time and place to indulge my inner selfish control freak than when I'm alone in my sewing room?
I'm learning a lesson from you: kinda rough when you're sewing for others--especially relatives. :-) As usual, you did a great job. I love the colors.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you about the SWAG sewing.
ReplyDelete2 years ago I said "yeah sure I'll make your ball(prom) dress" to my husband's niece, and then promptly forgot about it.
I am now up to my ears in yards and yards of the worst polyester chiffon you could ever imagine. On top of that the temps here are through the roof and I have the dress deadline looming.
Lets just say I am more than a little grumpy!
Never, ever again!
I'm with you on this one ;) I have so little time to put towards sewing that I too am somewhat strict about what I will sew and for who! sewing definitely should be relaxing and enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteThe shirt does look great.
You are not alone. I completely understand. I only sew for others if I want to, and then, they never know about it until I am finished and I present it to them as a gift. I feel if I sew for someone other than myself, it truly is gift, and I won't do it if the recipient is someone I don't feel will appreciate that. I believe that in the pie chart of life there must always be a slice, even a tiny slice, of time spent selfishly. It makes every other self-sacrificial thing we do sweeter when we know we have something we never have to share.
ReplyDeleteWell I'll sew for others but in my selfishness I won't permit anyone to use my sewing machine. We all have our limits.
ReplyDeleteHave to agree, people don't understand how long it takes or appreciate the effort, so I hardly sew for others at all now.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya'! I had an alteration business, and that taught me that I HATE to sew for other people, except my immediate family, WHEN I feel like it!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you are saying. Sewing for others isn't too fun and makes sewing not as enjoyable. Good luck finishing the smock.
ReplyDeleteSewing is my selfish pleasure. People ask me to sew for them and I have no problem saying no. I bought patterns and fabric to make DH shirts and that is as far as I have gotten. The best way to get on my bad side is to touch anything in my sewing room. This room is mine and there is no reason for me to share it.
ReplyDeleteSo much of my time and energy are spend on other people. I have a right to have an area of my life that only belongs to me. I tried sewing for other people and ended up miserable. I don't like deadlines and sewing is not suppose to be stressful.
Oh, I agree with you !
ReplyDeleteI do sew for others, but by my choice on MY terms and it gets done when it gets done...there's no enjoyment sewing with a deadline and with others sharing their not so helpful advice.
Good luck getting the smock done.
The Selfish Seamstress hits a cord with a lot of people. I rarely sew for others because, hey it would take time off from sewing for me! It doesn't help when people like your sil are so obnoxious and unappreciative!
ReplyDeleteThe only other person I ever sew for is my dd, who if you've read her comments on my blog, totally appreciates my sewing for her. When she's home she also trades household chores, over and above the ones she ordinarily does, for sewing. The trade is totally worth it. The only reason I didn't sew more for her when she was younger was her pin phobia, and complaints about standing still. Who wants to sew for someone who is verbally abusive? She's changed with age as she considers my sewing worth it. The bottom line is that so many people don't value handwork, or sewing. They are used to cheap disposable fashions and have no concept about what it takes to make a garment.
Congratulations! And I tip my hat to you for showing so much self-restraint in the face such audacity. I have not yet learned the fine art of keeping my mouth shut! Perhaps someone should do a post on that! The only one other than myself that I enjoy sewing for is my 7 year old granddaughter. Unfortunately, my DIL doesn't appreciate it and everything I make languishes on the closet floor never worn.
ReplyDeleteA friend from work asked me to alter a cocktail dress and I flat-out said no. She was shocked, but seriously, we all know it would have turned into one of those projects from hell. She was miffed at me for awhile but now we're good.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you sister! I only sew for myself. People always ask, "and who do you do most of your sewing for? Your family? Charity?" I feel selfish when I say that I usually sew for myself - but I do not enjoy sewing for others except on rare occasion. When I do agree to sew something for someone else, I usually can't wait until it's over, no matter how wonderful and thankful they may be. On the otherhand, I love to teach and would rather teach someone how to make something for themselves!
ReplyDeleteYou said it perfectly. I hope your nephew does enjoy the shirt (I bet he will, and I know you love him). But your SIL takes the cake. Someone at work asked me to make a sports-themed vest to wear on "Ravens Fridays" at work. I said, "Do you have a sewing machine? Maybe I could help you sew it for yourself". Her answer was "I know, I could do it. I just don't have time".
ReplyDeleteThen I just looked at her.
I said, "me neither".
There was a long awkward pause and that was it.
I do sew for others, but ONLY on my terms.
Thank you for this. I'm bookmarking it. I HATE sewing for other people. Other people act like sewing is sooo easy. they often do not respect the energy it takes. If it was easy everyone would do it.
ReplyDeleteI so relate to this....Do not sew for others. If I break my own rule it is always SWAG.
ReplyDeleteAlso I want to know why when sewing for someone else do things always go so very wrong?